My first-grade daughter stepped off the school bus recently and something was obviously wrong. She could barely move, as if a giant weight was pulling her over. Funny thing is, there was a giant weight pulling her over: her backpack. I lifted it. I’m going in for torn rotator cuff surgery tomorrow.
Well, at least she’s bringing home lots of good books and homework. Then I opened it. No books. Just stacks and stacks of fundraiser notices.
First there was the school supplies shakedown. Now comes the wrapping paper mafia.
I have no problem with helping out my daughter’s school. My wife and I volunteer in the classroom. We donate money for the various field trips and holiday celebrations. We don’t let our daughter bring any of her guns to school.
But I have a problem with being forced to take part in a $1.4 billion per year industry. Especially now that the hockey season is about to start and I have to get ready for the new "24" season in January.
It seems plenty of parents are just like me. According to a recent Washington Post article, which I’m plagiarizing, retail sales in product fundraising between 2001 and 2005 are down 11 percent. Know why? It’s the same old boring junk. Candy and wrapping paper. No one wants to sell it. No one wants to buy it. It leads to situations like this:
LITTLE JOHNNY: "Hi Grandma, I’m selling wrapping pape-"
GRANDMA: "You’re out of the will!" (sound of phone slamming down)
Here’s a new idea: A Hartford company called ArtStamps creates legal postage stamps from your kids’ artwork. Parents sell the stamps to raise money for school. Farmington is the first school in Connecticut to sign on, and I think it’s going to be a hit. People go loopy over their kids’ scribbles (me, too), so you’ve got motivated sellers. Buyers will be grateful for not hearing the words "wrapping paper."
For now, that’s what I’m helping my daughter sell. Want to buy some?