Kid’s self-esteem is a big issue these days. Way back in the Pliocene era (the 1970s), when I was a kid, parents were not so much concerned with their kids’ self-esteem as they were concerned with hideous interior design choices like fake wood paneling and avocado-colored appliances.
So when it appeared early on (nursery school) that I was not headed for Harvard, I don’t think my parents agonized over the issue.
ME: I don’t get long division.
DAD: Uh-huh, help me with this paneling.
Nowadays, kids must be made to feel good about themselves. It’s led to the whole “trophies for everyone” style of child-rearing. In fact, the idea of self-esteem seems to be more important than actual achievement.
So, it kind of hurts to say this, but my 8-year-old daughter is an awful soccer player.
In my town, the kids start playing in the municipal soccer leagues in the first grade. Every spring and fall, the little kids take the field, run around and try to kick the ball into goalie-less nets. At first, ability is not an issue. The coaches teach the importance of practice and teamwork and no one gets singled out, either for good or bad play.
Then, in the second grade, it starts to become obvious which girls have some talent. They can run with the ball. They have a nose for the net and they don’t mind physical contact.
My daughter is not one of them. The thing is, she doesn’t quite realize it yet. I suppose it will sting the first time she’s kept on the bench and realizes some of the other girls are better than her. But I won’t complain to the coach. I certainly won’t be like this:
HER: Did I play good?
ME: No, you suck.
This spring season could be the last for her. She’s not in love with the game, doesn’t know who Mia Hamm is or sleep in her team jersey. She’s simply finding her way to some other activity, which perhaps she will excel at and achieve college scholarship glory.
OK, sweetie, here’s a hockey stick and some skates. Make your dad proud.