About a year ago, I spotted a notice on a blog about a New York Times editor who needed help writing a book. His idea was to take all the silly questions kids ask and get real answers from experts. He was asking people to e-mail him some of their kids’ questions.
My daughter had recently asked me “Why do they call it soccer? Because they wear socks?” I promptly sent in the question and got an e-mail back thanking me and saying it might be in the book.
Well, Wendell Jamieson has just published “Father Knows Less, or: Can I Cook My Sister?” It’s gotten good reviews and Jamieson recently appeared at R.J. Julia’s Booksellers in Madison. Of course, I was curious if my daughter’s question made the cut.
I was in Borders recently with my 3- and 7-year old daughters, and they were less well-behaved than the “Don’t tase me, bro” guy. I could only quickly flip through the book and didn’t see anything about soccer. No matter, it’s still a good book and here’s to a newspaper guy making some coin, but he’s got a ways to go before he reaches Yale levels.
As for my daughter’s question, it’s something about football clubs in 19th century England being called “associations.”

From the AP:
WASHINGTON — About 1 million Simplicity and Graco cribs are being recalled after three children became entrapped in their cribs and died of suffocation, the Consumer Product Safety Commission said Friday.
Two infants, a 6-month-old and a 9-month-old, died in the recalled cribs, which were sold through May 2007. A 1-year-old child died in a newer model of the cribs, which has not been recalled but is being investigated by the safety agency, CPSC officials said.
CPSC spokesman Ed Kang would not comment on when or where the children died. Simplicity spokesman Joe Householder said the company will not release further details about the deaths out of respect for the families.
In all three deaths, the consumer had installed the drop-rail side of the crib upside down, the CPSC said. This creates a gap in the crib that children can slide into and suffocate.

It’s been a couple years since a crib was in the Kid You Not household, but I remember vividly how frustrating it was to set the damn thing up. There were little screws, springs, metal bars, spacers and confusing instructions. One little misstep and the whole thing didn’t work. And for what? A side that drops down six inches? I don’t think my wife and I ever used the mechanism once.
I’m not surprised at all that people have installed the drop-rail upside down. This is a classic example of bad design leading to bad things. The drop-rail style probably hasn’t changed in generations. Crib manufacturers: hire some new product designers.

I’m going to do Britney Spears a favor.
A judge on Tuesday suggested she hire a parenting coach, citing her history of boozing it up in nightclubs and neglecting her two kids. Tuesday night, Britney promptly boozed it up at a nightclub and neglected her kids. Parent coaching is apparently some kind of industry, judging from the 2,280,000 entries one gets when Googling “parenting coach.” It’s as if a bunch of people suddenly woke up and said “Where the heck did this baby come from?”
I am offering my services, free of charge. I just returned from a week as a stay-at-home dad to pre-schooler and a second-grader, which gives me a unique perspective and an overpowering urge to take hard drugs.
It’s not hard to have fun with your kids. For instance, the highlight of my week with the kids was a late summer trip to the beach. The air was crisp, ripples of saltly surf lapped at the shore and the rats were fighting. We walked out to the end of a fishing pier, which give us a good view of a rock jetty and a swarm of rats. The rats darted in and out of the rocks, some engaged in a tug of war over a scrap of fish.
The kids, for some reason, loved it.
“Dad, you know what my favorite animals are?” my older daugher asked the next day. “Ocelots and rats.”
Another good idea: long hikes in the woods. The kind of late afternooon hikes where the kids’ legs are aching and all they want to do is get to bed early. I love those kinds of hikes.
So there you go, Britney. Parenting isn’t hard, it just takes creativity and guidance. For instance, rats are OK. Ratt isn’t.

Q. Is it wrong to grab some spare change from your daughter’s allowance money so you can get a snack at work? How about the money she needs for a math class assignment? I’m really feeling guilty.
A. The Ethical Parent says don’t beat yourself up. After the bills are paid, groceries are bought and preschool tuition is pried from your dusty bank account, cash around the house is harder to find than someone who’s happy they bought an iPhone 15 days ago. Also, don’t try and turn this into a life-lesson-from-a-responsible-parent. Just hope she doesn’t notice and replace the cash after you root around in your wife’s pocketbook. Now go watch some football!

This e-mail arrived the other day: “Many parents lay awake at night wondering whether their kids are making the right decisions when not with them. Confirm Biosciences based in San Diego is putting the control back in parents’ hands. With the new HairConfirm product, a new at home package allows parents to take a hair sample from their kids and find out within 24-48 hours whether or not their kids are drug-free. It can detect drug use as well as usage frequency for up to 90 days. It is also the first offering of its kind to provide a detailed report the amount of each chemical detected as well as results indicating the ranges typically found in recreational, daily/weekend and constant users.”
Not having a rebellious, pot-smoking child just yet, just a daughter whose idea of an illicit substance is bubblegum Trident, this seems rather drastic. What does it say about your parenting abilities that you can’t figure out if your kid is a stoner? Here’s a quick test: Does your teen have a copy of Foghat Live? Yes? He’s smoking pot.
Think about all the other ways to spy on your kids: a device that attaches secretly to your car that records speeds and locations. Hidden software that records every key stroke on their computer.
I suspect the solution is being an involved parent, not Big Brother.