Has anyone noticed that Jon Benet froot loop John Mark Karr and this Fairfield lawyer who supposedly stabbed his neighbor in a fit of rage were both wearing polo shirts buttoned all the way up to the neck?
Am I the only one who thinks there might some link between bad fashion choices and deranged behavior?

I’m outside Target. I’m holding the list. I’m freaking screwed if "plastic-coated pocket folders (blue, yellow, red, green)" are not inside this store. I swallow hard and walk in, where I’m confronted by gut-tightening fear: aisle after aisle of picked over school supplies.
Note to self: Don’t wait until the week school starts to buy what’s on the "the list."
Since my eldest daughter is only going into the first grade, I’m not totally up to speed on the intricacies of elementary school life. But I’m learning fast about school supplies.
Each August, the school sends a packet of information, including a list of "recommended" school supplies. It’s not a casual request for markers and glue. It’s a carefully-scripted marching order: "three ring binder with 1-inch rings," No. 2 pencils, sharpened," etc...
When they say "recommended" they mean "required, or your child will be branded for the rest of her life as the kid who didn’t bring school supplies to first grade." They’re also saying "It’s the parents’ responsibility to stock the supply closet."
School supplies are a $17.6 billion a year industry, according to the National Retail Federation. Last year it was $13.4 billion. It’s estimated families will spend $527 this year on school supplies. That’s a lot of glue sticks.
So I’m in Target, panic setting in. I manage to find everything, except sticky notes and 3x5 notebooks. I’ts a good thing the office supply closet at the Register is full.

Scroll down a few inches and you can read yesterday's red hot volcano of rage directed at a New Haven parking meter reader for giving me a ticket even though the meter was missing from the pole.
In my righteous blogging fury, I lashed out at Mayor DeStefano. Hell knows no wrath like the freshly-ticketed with access to a New Haven Register blog that ostensibly is about parenting but can be redirected willy-nilly at any perceived slight.
Well, today I got a nice note from Paul Wessel, the director of traffic and parking. He calmly explained that the city is replacing old parking meters with modern ones. He said I should not have been ticketed and urged me to dispute the $15 fine. You can read his comment by clicking on comments.
Thanks, Paul, for the information. My faith in city government has been restored and Mayor DeStefano should not suffer for this minor squabble. As for your staff, I apologize for comparing them to John Mark Karr. K-Fed, maybe.

Let me post this while I’m still furious and thinking irrationally. This afternoon, I decide to drive downtown and exchange cash for goods at a local business. I head for Crown Street, since there’s usually parking spaces there. I spot the one open space on the block where I want to park and pull in.
I’m always glad to pop in a few quarters. It’s a bargain and the New Haven meter readers rival the Taliban for blind devotion to an oppressive cause. The problem is, THERE’S NO METER ATTACHED TO THE POLE.
I figure that if a meter reader comes along, he/she/it will recognize the intractable logic at work here: IT’S NOT MY FAULT THERE’S NO DAMN METER ATTACHED TO THE POLE!
Of course, when I return about 15 minutes later, there’s a $15 ticket on my windshield. I figure these are my options: 1. Drive around, find the meter reader and ask he/she/it what the hell their friggin’ problem is. 2. Dispute the ticket and waste precious hours of my life dealing with political bureaucrats who would make John Mark Karr look like Mister Rogers. 3. Vote for M. Jodi Rell.
As I drive away, I notice there’s at least nine meter-less poles on Crown Street. John DeStefano, my vote is for sale. The price is $15.

I’m jumping the gun a bit, but school starts soon so let’s trot out a regular Kid You Not feature: report cards.
A+: Highville Mustard Seed Charter School in Hamden. Congratulations to the other charter school in Greater New Haven. Everybody knows all about the wonderful Amistad Academy in New Haven and its high achieving kids. Now Highville has produced some of the highest scores in that state on the ’06 Connecticut Mastery Test. Is there any doubt now that the charter school model is one of the best ways to close the achievement gap? Low-income minority kids are as smart or smarter than any Woodbridge or Guilford kid, they just need dedicated teachers and a school that is committed to success.
Highville receives $3,000 less per student than public schools, so don’t listen to teacher unions that insist more taxpayers’ money is the solution to better inner-city schools.
There is no reason why an inner-city public school can’t be run like Highville or Amistad, as long as the teachers, administrators and parents figure out that the kids come first. That means teachers agreeing to work longer days, administrators trying innovative ideas and parents volunteering in the school.

B: Quinnipiac University, for ranking so low in the “politically active” category in the new Princeton Review survey of colleges. Just because the kids at QU aren’t burning George Bush in effigy doesn’t mean they aren’t concerned about politics.

D: You know where burning George Bush in effigy is actually an extra-credit assignment? Wesleyan University. WU is ranked in the same survey as “most politically active.” At WU, everyone is a victim, everyone is oppressed and all LGBT kids have their own dorm. Then, after four short years, they go into the real world and find out no one gives a crap about how special they are.

F: The Dutch courts recognize a political party made up of pedophiles who want the legal age of consent dropped from 16 to 12.

F: First Baptist Church in Watertown, NY fires a beloved Sunday school teacher because the pastor adheres to an Old Testament bible passage that states women cannot teach men.

What is it with Derby and Ronald McDonald?
Earlier this year, Ronald McDonald was invited to a Derby public school to discuss safety.
Last week, Ronald McDonald showed up at the Derby Public Library for a "Book Time with Ronald McDonald" event.
What’s wrong with that, some might say. Using a national icon to get kids to read and practice safe behavior is surely a good thing.
Actually, it’s not.
Childhood obesity is a national problem and McDonalds is a big reason why.
By inviting Ronald McDonald to a public school and a library, Derby is endorsing poor eating habits at a crucial time for young children. It’s hard work getting a kid to eat right and the last thing a parent needs is a school system or library undermining their efforts.
Perhaps the parents of one of the kids at the library or school is committed to healthy eating a packs a nutritious lunch each day. Their kid comes home and says Ronald McDonald taught me about reading. What message is the kid getting? Ronald is looking out for me. So the next time, mom and dad drive by the golden arches, they lose a little leverage.
And don’t think McDonalds doesn’t know that. It’s said 96 percent of kids can identify Ronald McDonald. McDonalds executives probably stay up at night devising ways to reach that other 4 percent. Without sounding too much like a raving conspiracy theorist, one good way is to send Ronald into schools and libraries under the guise of book and safety awareness.
There are so many other ways schools and libraries can engage kids. Invite a local cop to discuss safety. Call up a book publisher and have Clifford the Big Red Dog hand out books. I’m going to surmise that the Derby school and library didn’t have to seek out Ronald McDonald. They most likely got a call from a local franchise owner.
Justify it anyway you want, but Ronald McDonald stands for junk food. That’s not a theory, that’s a fact.

Anyone who’s read Kid You Not during the past year and a half knows those goofy teen sex studies are a frequent target of derision.
This new study by the Rand Corp. is no different.
Here’s how the Associated Press described the study: "Teens whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found. Whether it’s hip-hop, rap, pop or rock, much of popular music aimed at teens contains sexual overtones. Its influence on their behavior appears to depend on how the sex is portrayed, researchers found. Teens who said they listened to lots of music with degrading sexual messages were almost twice as likely to start having intercourse or other sexual activities within the following two years as were teens who listened to little or no sexually degrading music."
I’ve said it before, but if I was 16 years old and some guy from the Rand Corp. called and asked me if I was having sex because of the raunchy lyrics I listened to, I’d have said "You bet. In fact, I just finished listening to the "The Lemon Song" by Led Zeppelin and I’m on my way to have sex with the Barrington High School cheerleading squad."
These groups like the Rand Corp. come up with this junk, get big headlines and TV spots and then write grants and get government funding.
Are today’s lyrics any worse than generations past? Let’s take a listen to the Starland Vocal Band’s 1976 Grammy-winning hit "Afternoon Delight."
"Thinkin’ of you’s workin up my appetite, lookin’ forward to a little afternoon delight. Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite, and the thought of rubbing you is getting so exciting."
That puts R. Kelly to shame.
How about Scorpions’ 1984 classic rock staple "Rock You Like a Hurricane," the theme song for the Carolina Hurricanes hockey team.
"My cat is purring and scratches my skin, so what is wrong with another sin? The bitch is hungry, she needs to tell, so give her inches and feed her well."
I dare 50 Cent to come up with something so thoroughly degrading.
I listened to all that crap and somehow didn’t turn into Rick James. Your kids won’t either.

I’m in the bank with the 2 year old, and I have to sit down with one of the bank officers. The woman is doing stuff on the computer and the computer is making little pinging sounds.
"Why is the fat lady’s computer doing that?" says the 2 year old.
We recently got a notice charging us a $25 monthly fee for checking.
Coincidence? I don’t think so.

School is starting in a few weeks and my 6 year old is entering first grade. She’s wondering about homework, what kinds of lessons she’ll be learning and if she’ll have a locker.
Lets take a look at what Saudi Arabian grade schoolers will be learning in their state-run schools, courtesy of The Washington Post’s recent examination of Saudi school books. As the Freedom House’s Center for Religious Freedom noted, this is after Saudi officials agreed to take the really inflammatory stuff out of the school books.
FIRST GRADE: " Every religion other than Islam is false."
FOURTH GRADE: "True belief means . . . that you hate the polytheists and infidels but do not treat them unjustly."
FIFTH GRADE: "Whoever obeys the Prophet and accepts the oneness of God cannot maintain a loyal friendship with those who oppose God and His Prophet, even if they are his closest relatives."
SIXTH GRADE: "Just as Muslims were successful in the past when they came together in a sincere endeavor to evict the Christian crusaders from Palestine, so will the Arabs and Muslims emerge victorious, God willing, against the Jews and their allies if they stand together and fight a true jihad for God, for this is within God’s power."
EIGHTH GRADE: "They are the Jews, whom God has cursed and with whom He is so angry that He will never again be satisfied [with them]." "Activity: The student writes a composition on the danger of imitating the infidels."
NINTH GRADE: "It is part of God’s wisdom that the struggle between the Muslim and the Jews should continue until the hour [of judgment]."
I hope these kids at least get a decent locker.

We changed blog hosts? Joe Amarante and Pat Ferruci joined the party? Tom Torrisi and Karen Olsen cashed in their chips? Was somebody going to tell me?
Seriously, though, sorry for the long absence. But anyone with young kids knows what summer is all about: complete hell, counting the days until school starts and doing everything in your power to keep the Department of Children and Families from seizing your children. (Ha, Ha, Mr. DCF man, my 6 year old is such a kidder. She only had to live in the tree house for a few days. But look how clean her bedroom is!)
The big task this summer has been potty training the 2 year old. This is a task that requires a focused intensity greater that the heat of a million suns. This was a typical conversation in the Kid You Not home during the past few weeks:
"Do you have to go pee-pee?"
"Do you have to go poopy?"
Repeat, over and over and over.
I've been peed on so many times, fetish web sites are calling for tips. But it's all been worth it, because we have not bought a diaper in weeks. Freeedoommm!!!
So anyhow, Kid You Not is back and ready for the kind of insightful observations and completely inappropriate banter not seen since Paul Lynne had a TV show.
The DCF man is gone, young lady. Now get in that tree house!