The kids watched “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” last night, which I consider one of the lesser Peanuts TV specials. There was an awful history-of-Thanksgiving Peanuts show on afterwards, which I’d never heard of and suspect was found under a desk at CBS headquarters. Kids today have no idea how good they have it when it comes to animantion. Hannah-Barbera dreck and terrible first-wave anime (sorry, Speed Racer, you don’t hold up) was the norm in the 1970s.
The kids found three things odd about “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”:
- At the end, the kids pile into the back of a station wagon, with no seatbelts or car seats. “That’s the way it was in 1973. Nobody had bike helmets, either,” I told them, their eyes wide with shock.
- “Is that a boy or a girl?,” my 8-year-old daughter said after watching Peppermint Patty. “Well....,” I said.
- My daughters, both vegetarians, where stunned when Woodstock — a bird — digs into the turkey.
Yes, that was kind of weird.

(NEWS ITEM: Barack and Michelle Obama attended a parent-teacher conference at their daughters’ Chicago school Friday morning.)

SCENE ONE: (The Obama house, early morning. Coffee is brewing. A shower is heard running. A slim man in a suit looks at a piece of paper stuck to the fridge by a Spongebob magnet.)

BARACK: “Holy &#%*! Honey, the teacher conference is this morning! We’re going to be late! Honey?”
(The shower shuts off)
MICHELLE: “What?”
BARACK: “The parent-teacher conference. It’s this morning.”
MICHELLE: “Oh my God! I’ll throw something on quick. Do you have time?”
BARACK: “Yeah. There’s a press conference and Angela Merkel is calling. It can wait. Let’s go. What’s her first name?”
MICHELLE: “Who?”
BARACK: “The teacher.”
MICHELLE: “Look in the guidebook. I think it’s Marsha or Marla something.”
(Michelle walks quickly out of the bedroom, wearing a baseball cap, running shoes and workout clothes. They walk out the front door, and voices over walkie-talkies are heard. Several seconds pass. Barack walks back in the house, enters the kitchen, turns off the coffee maker and leaves again. Fade to black.)

SCENE TWO: (A school hallway. There are lockers with nametags and artwork on bulletin boards. Barack is sitting on a small chair next to student desk, working a BlackBerry with his thumbs. Michelle is looking at the lockers.)
MICHELLE: “Here’s hers. Should I open it?”
BARACK: “I don’t know. I guess.”
(Michelle opens the locker)
MICHELLE: “Did you know she likes Zac Efron?”
BARACK: “Who?”
MICHELLE: “From High School Musical.”
(A very young woman opens a classroom door and looks into the hallway.)
TEACHER: “Oh. Hello! Please come in.”
MICHELLE: “Hi...Ms. Scott.”
TEACHER: “Please, call me Marna.”
(The teacher sits behind her desk. Barack and Michelle sit on two small chairs and move around, trying to get comfortable. Barack crosses his legs and kicks the desk in front of him. Michelle glances at him and touches his knee.)
TEACHER: “Sasha is a lovely girl. She’s a pleasure to have in the classroom. Here’s some recent artwork. And some writing.”
(Barack looks at the sheet of paper.)
BARACK: “She spelled ‘their’ wrong.”
MICHELLE: “How?”
BARACK: “T-H-E-R-E”
TEACHER: “At this stage, we’d rather have them concentrate on writing expressively and not worry too much about spelling.”
MICHELLE: “Are the other children....”
TEACHER: “We don’t like to compare...”
(The door to the classroom opens. A large man with a earpiece leans in the door and gestures toward Barack.)
BARACK: “Marla, I’m very sorry. But I think we have to go.”
TEACHER: “Of course. I understand.”
(The Obamas leave the classroom. Fade to black.)

SCENE THREE: (The front of the school. The Obamas wait on the steps and several people stand around them. A woman approaches with flowers. Michelle gestures her to them, takes the flowers and hugs the woman. The woman walks away. Michelle turns to Barack.)
MICHELLE: “Was that real?”
BARACK: “What?”
MICHELLE: “The agent.”
(Barack doesn’t respond. Seconds pass. Michelle takes his hand and smiles. Fade to black.)

President-elect Barack Obama’s first big decision had nothing to do with the economy or making cabinet appointments.
It was making sure his two daughters were happy. Because you what scares Obama more than being invited to go hunting with Dick Cheney? Two scorned girls on the warpath.
He could just picture it: Malia and Shasha waiting for him with their hands on their hips and scowls on their faces.
“You said we could get a puppy!”
“I did? When?”
“Daddy! You promised!”
So Obama did something a lot of politicians forget to do once they get elected. He kept a campaign promise.
Then the Obama girls played their best hand. No mutt or pound castoff for them. They want something called a “goldendoodle,” a hybrid purebreed that costs a bundle and probably will chew up the First Lady’s Manolos.
My 8-year-old daughter is trying the same scam.
“I’m asking Santa for a Nintendo DS.”
Santa. Yeah, right. I’m onto you, girl. I know you’re painting your father into a corner. I’ll probably cave, though.
I just expected more from my president. I hope he doesn’t roll over as fast when Russia asks for Azerbaijan.