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Kid You Not believes in the Wizard of Oz style of parenting: All you need is a brain, some courage and a heart. Oh, and some Jager.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Beyond the valley of the Dawn Dolls

Here’s what it’s like raising two girls, both under age 6: There are no baseball gloves, trucks, hockey sticks, toy guns, bugs or video games in the house (actually, there’s plenty of hockey sticks, but they’re mine). There are seemingly hundreds of Barbies, piles of plastic jewelry, shelves of picture books and crates of dress up clothes.

At some point in the future, my girls may become sports nuts or construction boot-wearing car mechanics, for all I know. But for now, they play with girl stuff and I’m fine with that.

The girls’ latest favorites are vintage Dawn Dolls from the 70s and you don’t have to be Phillip Bloch to appreciate them. Dawn dolls are glammed out figurines manufactured from 1970 to 1973. They wear halter tops and knee high boots, use lots of dark eyeliner, go to a lot of parties and listen to The Fifth Dimension, Burt Bacharach and Sergio Mendes.

These are not 60s dolls wearing peasant blouses at the vegan coffee shop. These are I-just-did-a-pile-of blow-and-I’m-driving-a-Riviera-boattail-to-the-casino-so-I-can-make-horrible-choices-in-men dolls. Think Sharon Stone in "Casino" (the beginning of the movie, not the end when she’s degrading herself with Joe Pesci).

Hopefully, my girls just think they’re cute. God forbid they grow up to be Sharon Stone. I’d prefer construction boot wearing car mechanic.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Hashemi backlash

Has anyone noticed that Mike Doonesbury’s daughter, Alex, has been accepted at pretty much all the top colleges in the nation, except Yale?


I suspect she didn’t even apply, figuring she didn’t have the right anti-Israel, pro-Hamas sympathies fostered by the increasingly-polarized university.

Perhaps even noted lefty/Yale grad Garry Trudeau is fed up with Yale coddling Taliban sympathizer Sayed Hashemi. That’s just some bad craziness, Uncle Duke.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

War on flip flops!

My daughter’s elementary school is going where many schools fear to tread.

By "tread" I mean telling these uppity grade schoolers to put on sensible shoes and stop acting like little Real World contestants.

Once again, the school’s Friday newsletter is making more news than Iranian mullahs. Here’s the latest: "Wheely sneakers - These are quite cute for fun in the neighborhood, however, not appropriate for school as they can be dangerous for students and damaging to floors (we have many forms of the damage in the hallways and gym). Therefore, they are not allowed at school at any time (inside or playgrounds). Thanks for keeping out students and building safe!

Wait, there’s more.

"Flip flops and backless shoes - these too are great fashion attire items but are also not appropriate for wear in school. Students have been falling in the halls and classrooms and toes have been stepped on by peers. They are absolutely not allowed when participating in physical education classes or recess and we would greatly appreciate not wearing them to school during the day."

The school’s principal is my hero. She earlier told parents to stop letting their kids arrive toting fancy coffee drinks. Now she’s willing to tell these idiot parents who send their kids to school in wheelies and flip flops that a school is a serious place, not the beach. A few weeks back, when it was still very cold outside, I saw a girl on the playground wearing a short skirt, bare legs and flip flops. Her parents must have been tied up in the basement, because there’s no other way to explain such a complete abdication of parental responsibility.

I’m waiting for the protests to roll in, especially since so many female teachers were wearing flips flops the other day.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

You wore what to meet the president?!

Meeting the President of the United States is not a casual event. Therefore, casual clothes are not suitable.

Amargeet Singh, Kid You Not is talking to you.

Singh is the 16-year-old Waterbury boy invited by the White House to meet President Bush in New Haven this week. Singh, son of immigrant parents from Guyana, was the recipient of the President’s Volunteer Service Award. He’s an all-around good kid who volunteers at health centers and the Migrant Farm Worker Clinic.

But, dude, put on a suit coat and tie when you know you’re going to shake hands with the leader of the free world. A light-colored zip neck sweater and sunglasses doesn’t exactly give the world the impression that you’re a respectful young man.

Remember last year when a bunch of female athletes were honored at the White House and a few of them wore flip flops? There seems to be a creeping trend of ‘hey, whatever’ when it comes to young people and clothes. It starts with wearing pajamas to school, shorts to church and culminates with flip flops and sunglasses with the president.

Kid You Not has set up some rules for young people who may end up meeting the president, getting an award or attending any event that requires you to stand in front of a large crowd:

- Guys: dark suit coat and tie. Dress shoes. Girls: modest dress or skirt and blouse. Dress shoes.

- Prohibited: jeans, sneakers, sunglasses, flip flops, anything a hooker might wear, anything with a visible logo, anything an NBA player might wear.

Got that, Amargeet?