The newspapers in my town (I don’t live in the Register’s circulation area) are missing a hot story.
My daughter’s elementary school has told kids to not wear Crocs and flip flops to school. With about two weeks to go before summer break and hot temperatures here, you might as well tell these kids not to breathe.
There’s a few really important things in an 8-year-old girl’s life: Hannah Montana, Crocs and those little things you stick into the Crocs. Everything else is just noise.
The bad news was delivered in the school’s Friday Flash newsletter. Flip flops and Crocs are prone to slipping off and are unsafe, the principal said.
“But Crocs have a back strap,” my daughter wailed.
I was tempted to tell her to fight the power, but she can wait a few years before letting the Chuck D in her emerge. Rules are rules, I said.
Much Croc-shod foot stomping ensued.

Hey, look at that. There’s two 8 year olds competing in the 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee. Gee, those kids must be real whizzes in the classroom. They’re competing against 13 and 14 year olds. That’s amazing! Let’s see, they’re 8, so that means they’re in the second grade...the same grade as my daughter. Who’s 8. Who still needs to be told to wipe her nose.
Oh, my God.
My daughter is actually a decent speller. She handles some tricky words like “because” well. She usually gets “check plus” or a “great job” sticker on her spelling tests.
Then she drops forehead slappers like this: “I rod my bike to the stor.”
WHAT I’M THINKING: No college tuition!
WHAT I’M SAYING: Look at the words, honey. What looks wrong? Read it back to yourself. What sounds wrong?
So the idea that Ranul R. Malayappan of Danbury and Sriram Jagapeesh of New York will be tossing around words like “perspicuity” and “pourparler” around like so many balloons is unfathomable.
I figure there’s two explanations: These kids have been looking at flash cards since they day they were born. Or, they’re just geniuses.
I like the genius explanation, because it’s easier to take if mom and dad are regular doofuses like the rest of us.
Meanwhile, I will have a pourparler with my daughter about her perspicuity.
Hey, look it up.

After the Miley Cyrus controversy hit the news and pundits/bloggers actually caught fire because their mouths and fingers were moving so fast as they condemned the sexualization of young girls, there was a number of people whose message was: Get over it.
Just because some TV star isn't wearing a shirt doesn't mean every tweener is out there trying to make Paris Hilton look like Doris Day.
Oh, really?
Well, then this, this and this happened in one week.
Now you know why parents of young girls, like me, are freaking out.

So it seems some college kids are getting baked and watching the extremely weird and strangely fascinating Yo Gabba Gabba cartoon show. Totally believable.
Here's some of the greatest drug-influenced cartoon shows (and one live action legend)ever: